Byakuya At His Worst
by Air-Siren
Summary: Here you will see Byakuya at his worst. This include: His first Konso, releseing his Zanpakuto, and even his Diary! There is much, much, more! Warning: Contain an OC and Out if characterness.
1. My First Konso!

**A****rf: I thought of this idea for some reason at Church. This will be a collection of storys that may or may not have some connection other than them all having Byakuya.**

**~Young Byakuya~ This is when he's still a kid**

**~Student Byakuya~ This is when hes in the Academy**

**~Current Byakuya~ This is him now  
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~Student Byakuya~

"Ok, sit still now."

"Roar!"

"Don't worry it won't hurt."

"Grr?"

"Trust me the Soul Society is a good place."

"Growl!"

"I'm serious."

"Rrg."

"What that?"

"Roar!"

"Oh! I see."

"Meow"

"?... That was random. Ok stay still now."

_STAMP_

"..."

"? It didn't work"

"ROAR!"

"Byakuya!"

"Oh! Hey sensei!"

"What are you doing!? Get away from that!"

"Why? Isn't this just a lost spirit that needs to have a Konso preformed on it?"

"... Byakuya. What does that thing look like to you?"

"... Its big, ugly, and it has a tail. Isn't that what all Soul should look like?"

"No, Byakuya. Thats a Hollow''

"Oh..."

"ROAR!!!"

"... Run away!"

"Byakuya! Stay with me!"

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**Arf: Review. Should I make more?  
**


	2. My Zanpakuto Release

**A****rf: I thought of this idea when I first saw Byakuya release his blade. This will be a collection of storys that may or may not have some connection other than them all having Byakuya.**

**~Young Byakuya~ This is when he's still a kid**

**~Student Byakuya~ This is when hes in the Academy**

**~Current Byakuya~ This is him now  
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~Student Byakuya~

Byakuya sat down looking at the Zanpakuto his teacher had gave him. He closed his eyes and when he did, he saw a masked samurai in full-body armor. He had has long, dark brown hair tied with a silver ribbon.

The samurai looked at him "Are You my master?"

Byakuya smiled "Yes I am!"

The Samurai held out his hand "Then raise your sword and call my name! Senbonzakura!"

Byakuya held up his blade and yelled "Scatter! Senbonzakura"

The blade disappeared and all that was left was the hilt.

Byakuya looked at his missing sword. "... Where the hell did It go!?" **(He can't see the blades)**

Byakuya yelled "Grandfather! My zanpakuto's gone! I can't find it"

He began to wave his hands then he heard some thing behind him. Slowly he turned around and saw a tsunami of Cherry Blossoms coming at him."... Thats not so bad they're just Cherry blossoms..."

The wind blew a bit stronger and a cherry Blossom came out and cut his cheek "Ow! What the?"

Suddenly the Tsunami hit him and he was put in the 4th division for 3 weeks. Now Byakuya never trains without a 4th squad member nearby.

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**Arf: Review. Should I make more?  
**


	3. My L'oreal

**A****rf: I thought of this idea when I was in the shower. I own nothing. EDITED.  
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~Young Byakuya~

When Byakuya was still a boy he always washed his hair with a regular unnamed brand of shampoo. He enjoyed washing his hair and would do it continually. Then one day his grand father had gave him a souvenir from the human world. It was a human shampoo called L'oreal. Happy about his gift he used it that night when he took a shower.

Byakuya put the shampoo in his hand and scrubbed his hands together. Then as he put the shampoo in his hair a drop of soap flew off his hand and landed directly in his eye. Byakuya, who had never had soap in his eyes before, let out a surprised scream of pain and came running out the bathroom. His grandfather looked at him "Byakuya! Are you ok! What happened!"

Byakuya looked up at the old man with tear red eyes "I was washing my hair and suddenly My eyes began to burn! I think I'm cursed! Is this because I attacked the neighbors cat!"

Byakuya's Grandfather looked at him with a plain face "Byakuya. I think you had soap in your eyes."

Byakuya looked at him "But this has never happened before!"

The old man looked at him "The shampoo you used is more watery then the kind you usually use. Look perhaps you should just use the one you were using before."

Byakuya nodded and walked back in the bathroom to put his cloths on.

**Shinigami Cup! Golden!**

~Current Byakuya~

Byakuya is walking down the Halls of the 6th Company and sees fellow Captain, Koji Kazefume**[1]**. Today he had a hair style that seemed to be everywhere and nowhere at all.

Curious, Byakuya walked up to him, "Koji..."

Koji turned to him and smiled "Yes?"

Byakuya pointed at his hair, "How do you get your hair like that?"

Koji smiled and gave him a thumbs up "L'oreal! Because I'm worth it!"

Byakuya's eye twitched.

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**Arf: Review. Should I make more?**

**[1] Koji is my fan-made character and the Captain of 9th Division  
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	4. My Dear Diary

**A****rf: I thought of this idea when I reading 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid'. I own nothing.**

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~Current Byakuya~

Byakuya and his fellow captains, Soifon, Koji**[1]**, and Komamura, were helping clean out Byakuya's old room he had when he was still a boy. They had found many things that even Byakuya doesn't even remember having. There was all sorts of knickknacks and souvenirs, and even a L'oreal shampoo bottle that only seemed to be used once.

Koji went up to his dresser which had the words 'Don't point Senbonzakura directly at myself' on it . He opened up one of the drawers and found a book called 'Byakuya's Diary.' Smiling, he took out a few pages he found interesting and stuffed them in his pockets. he looked back at Byakuya and yelled "I'm going home"

Byakuya waved him of causally and went back to cleaning.

(3 days later)

Byakuya walked down his division's hall and he noticed everyone laughed when they saw them. He ignored it at first but then it got annoying. Then he saw Renji looking at the Seireitei Communication Magazine holding in stiff giggles.

Byakuya annoyed snatched it out of his hands and read it. As he did he eyes went wide.

_Dear Diary,_

_Today, Grandfather came to visit! Yay! It was awesome! Grandpa always knows how to make me happy! I hope I become a great soul reaper like him!_

_Later while I was practicing my sword play, The Big-Breasted Cat-Demon came and stole my hair tie. I tried to catch it but it got away. I promise I'll get that damned Cat demon if its the last thing I do!._

_Well that's all. Thank you for listening Diary! I think sometimes your the only one who gets me!_

_Love,_

_Bya-bya_

_ Published by:Koji Kazefume_

_ Edited by: Hisagi Shuuhei_

Byakuya set the paper down and closed his eyes_._ He walked into the Publishing Office and came back out. No one saw Hisagi and Koji for three days and they had thousands of tiny scars. when asked where they got it Koji got a death glare from Byakuya and simply replied "I fell...In a meat grinder. ... yeah." _  
_

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**Arf: Review.  
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**[1] Koji is my fan-made character and the Captain of 9th Division  
**


	5. My Big Debate

**A****rf: Not exactly Byakya at his worse. I just wanted to do this. I own nothing.**

**Shinigami Byakuya is when hes not a captain  
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~Shinigami Byakuya~

Byakuya sat down next to Koji Kazefume, a Noble from the Kazefume family. It was Thursday, and every Thursday they would eat lunch together that day and debate. Every week they would take turns choosing a topic. Today, it was Koji's turn and he choose life.

"Hey Byak," he said shortening his name just to make him pissed off.

Byakuya looked at him, "What is it?"

Koji twirled his finger "You ever wonder whether or not we are part of something greater?"

Byakuya looked at him "What do you mean?"

Koji scratched his head, "Like, what if we're just characters in someone's story?"

Byakuya gave him a dull look "I don't get what you mean."

Koji looked at him with complete seriousness "What if our lives are controlled by a 14 year old boy with glasses on a computer?"

Byakuya stood up, shook his head and said "Koji if you don't have a serious topic to debate, then you should have just said so." Byakuya walked away back to his company's hallway.

Koji looked back at him as he left "... but... I was serious..."

**Shinigami Cup! Golden!**

A boy with glasses sat on the computer typing. He muttered to himself, "Koji... He knows to much... He must be eliminated..."**  
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**Arf: Review.  
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	6. My Truth or Dare

**A****rf: ... Dont ask. I own nothing.  
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Byakuya, Koji, and Renji were sitting in a circle playing truth or dare**. **Byakuya rubbed his eyes. "I cant believe you talked me into this" Koji and Renji chuckle.

Koji turns to Renji, "So, Truth or Dare?"

Renji smiles, "Dare!"

At this Koji smiles**. **He raises a finger and say, "I dare you to challenge Kenpatchi to a death match. And you can't you Bankai either."

Renji's smile disappears and is replaced with a grim face.

Renji leaves to get a 4th company to help him when he gets ripped to shreds.

Byakuya turns to Koji "Seeing how Renji left, I'll take his , Truth or Dare?"

Koji smiles, "Truth."

Byakuya looks at him, "Out of all Captains and Vice captains, who would you date and who would you kill?"

Koji holds up to fingers, "I'd date Isane 'cause I like tall women, and kill Omaeda 'cause I think he's the one stealin' all my beef jurky. My turn to ask" Koji says clapping his hands.

Byakuya simply glares at him "A non-retarded Dare, if you can"

Koji smiled, "Sure, just hit the next person who walks in."

Byakuya nods.

Then, as if on cue Yachiru bursts in screaming for candies, and as if on reflex Byakuya threw out his fist and hit Yachiru and made her cry.

Yachiru let out and yell, "Byaku-chan's a meanie!"

Koji stands up and yells at Byakuya, "Why would you do that!? She's just a little girl!"

Byakuya looses his cool and yells at him, "You told me to!"

Koji ignores him and yells "Child Abuse!" and then Koji leaves.

Byakuya sighed "God, I hate you."

Yachiru looks at Byakuya and points "I'm telling Kenny on you!"

Byakuya tries to stop her but she gets away. So, luckily for Renji, he wouldn't go up against Kenpachi alone.

9th Division had a field day and the next magazine that came out had a headline titled:

_6th Company Owned by 11th Company Captain!_

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**Arf: Contest. Have Ideas for this send them to me Via messaging or Reviews!  
**


	7. My Shower Song

**A****rf:Everyone sings in the shower. Lets see what Byakuya sings  
**

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~Current Byakuya~

Byakuya was in the shower who was sent to get some dirt on the Captain from 6th Division overheard the whole song and was recording it out side his window.

This is Byakuya's shower song:

_Down at an English fair,_  
_ One evening I was there,_  
_ When I heard a showman shouting_  
_ Underneath the flare:_

_ Hoi've got a lo-ve-ly bunch o' coconuts._  
_ There they are a-standin' in a row._  
_ Big ones, small ones, some as big as yer 'ead!_  
_ Give 'em a twist, a flick o' the wrist,_  
_ That's what the showman said._

_ Hoi've got a lo-ve-ly bunch o' coconuts._  
_ Hevery ball yer throw will make me rich._  
_ There stands me wife, the idol of me life,_  
_ Singin' "roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!"_

_ Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch! x2_  
_ Roll a-bowl a ball, roll a-bowl a boll, singin' roll a-bowl a ball a penny a pitch!_

_ I've got a lo-ve-ly bunch of coconuts (They're lurvely!)_  
_ There they are a standing in a row._  
_ (One, two, three, four)_  
_ Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head_  
_ (And bigger)_  
_ Give 'em a twist, a flick of the wrist, that's what the showman said._

_ Now that hoi've got a lo-ve-ly bunch of coconuts._  
_ (La-da-de-da-da)_  
_ Hevery ball you throw will make me rich._  
_ (Have a banana)_  
_ There stands me wife, the idol of me life,_  
_ Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!_

_ All together now!_

_ Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!_  
_ (Harmony!)_  
_ Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!_  
_ R-r-roll a-bowl a ball, roll a-bowl a ball, singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch._

_ Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!_

Needless to say after Hisagi got all this he ran like crazy less he be seen by Byakuya when he get out of the shower.

Three day later, Byakuya sees the newest article in the Seireitei Magazine:

_Sixth Division's Captain; A Pure Singer_

_We all know Byakuya Kuchiki of 6th Division. He's a Quiet and often calm man._

_But our lieutenant, Hisagi Shuuhei, discovered something more. Byakuya Kuchiki has a wonderful singing voice that made him stop to listen. From the song he sang Hisagi discovered how much we did not know about Byakuya ourselves! Byakuya is a sensitive man who only wishes to be accepted. _

_So let us all pitch in this Friday and declare National Hug Byakuya week and until next Friday he will feel our acceptance and appreciation. Then when its all over we shall treat him with the utter most respect until next year! Then let us repeat this process! _

_Also give him coconuts.  
_

_Article written and edited by: Koji Kazefume_

Byakuya stared at the paper dumbfounded. He was the glomped by Rukia and Hanataro_._ Rukia hugged him tightly "Oh! Nee-san! If you felt this way you shoulda said so"

Hanataro let out a yell "I will follow you any where Mr. Sensitive!"

Byakuya manged to escape them and the other huggers and shuppo'ed to 9th Division Headquarters. He drew his blade and dropped it and angrily muttered "Bankai."

It took 5 weeks for repairs.

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**Arf: Contest. Have Ideas for this send them to me Via messaging or Reviews!  
**


	8. My Shuppo

**A****rf: Yay! Shuppoty goodness!  
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~Student Byakuya~

Byakuya sat next to Koji who was asleep in class. The teacher walked in and Koji head shot up. He was always a light sleeper.

The teacher cleared his voice, "Today, we will practice Shuppo! Now listen up as I begin to explain it."

Koji drew fake eyes on his eye lids and fell asleep. Byakuya on the other hand was all ears. He knew that if he learned Shuppo he would have a chance at catching the cat demon.

The teacher explained how to use Shuppo and took everyone (Excluding the sleeping Koji) to a forest.

The teacher had them practice it until they could go at least 5 MPH. Those who couldn't where given detention. Byakuya was lucky enough to make it at 6 MPH.

The teacher than made the remaining students a Obstacle coarse that will test their Shuppo Control. Byakuya who was pumped offered to go first thinking it would be easy as it was all jumping over and dodging logs.

Byakuya got ready and when the teach yelled go he shot of dodging every tree in his way and jumping every log. He say the finish and stopped there. He threw his arms up triumphant. Then a swinging log came and hit him, knocking him out.

**Shinigami Cup! Golden!**

Koji walked out from behind a tree and laughed at Byakuya, "Ha! That's for not waking me up in class when you left. You just fell victim to my 5th Trick: Fake Finish" He said as he tapped the finish sign showing it was made of cheap cardboard.

Byakuya groaned "I... really... Hate you.........."

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**Arf: Contest. Have Ideas for this send them to me Via messaging or Reviews!  
**


	9. My Opinions

**A****rf:  
**

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~Current Byakuya~

Byakuya was walking down his hall and Koji appeared behind him.

"Hey Byakuya" Koji says smiling.

Byakuya turns to face his 'Friend' and simply replies "Whatever it is, no. I will not let you use and thing I say to use against me in your damned magazine."

Koji points with a blank expression "Actually I'm just here to find out your opinions on the Captains of Seireitei for the news paper"

Byakuya looks at him "Is that really all your going to do?''

Koji nods and holds out a contract "Unfortunately, because of the constant times you destroyed my headquarters I need you sign this saying that you wont destroy it any more"

Byakuya shrugged and signed.

Koji smiled and rolled up the contract "Ok let the Interview begin. Just give a few statements about what you think of each Captain"

Byakuya took in a breath and began "Captain Yamamoto is a respected man, of whom I would die for just to protect. Captain Soifon is strict but perfect for joint exercises. Keeps my men from getting flabby like Omaeda. Captain Unohana scares the Shit out of me. I'm a perfect role-model for all shinigami. Captain Komamura is an excellent fighter who just has bad luck with his opponents. Captian Shunsui is a drunkard who should work more than drink. You're an ass. Captain Hitsugaya Has great Potential and I look forward to seeing how he develops. Zarakai can bite me. Mayuri is a freak. and Captain Ukitake should take it easier."

Koji nods and tells him "The next issue is in 4 weeks"

Byakuya left.

~4 weeks later~

Byakuya got the magazine and read it:

_**Byakuya's Captain Opinion's**_

_Captian Yamamoto: An old fart who should retire._

_Captain Soifon: Super sexy captain who I would like to go out with._

_Captain Unohana: Scares the Hell out of me_**[1]**

_Himself: I am better than all of you._

_Captain Komamura: A Weak little Freak!_

_Captain Shunsui: He drinks a lot._

_Captain Kazefume: He is much better at me at everything  
_

_Captain Hitsugaya: A snot-nosed brat._

_Captain Zarakai: I want a rematch._

_Captain Mayuri: I give you permission to do spontaneous experiments on me._

_Captain Ukitake: You should stop being a captain and rest._

_Written by: Koji Kazefume_

Byakuya closes his eyes and appers in front of Koji and picks him up "I'm going to sue you."

Koji smiles " 'fraid ya can't. I have permission of you to modify your words."

Byakuya looked at him "Nice bluff"

Koji smiled again "You really should have read the contract." He pulled it out and read the Fine-Print "Every thing i say in interviews will be misquoted than used against me"

Byakuya dropped him "... Scatter... Senbonza-"

A voice interrupts him. "There he is!"

He looks and sees Yamamoto, Komamura, Soifon (whom looked greatly embarrassed), Hitsugaya, and Kenpatchi standing there with there blades drawn.

Byakuya just stares, "Oh Sh-"

"Reduce All Creation To Ash, Ryuujin Jakka!"

"Sit Upon the Frozen Heavens, Hyorinmaru"

"Tenken!"

"Sting All Enemys to Death, Suzumebachi!"

"Yahoo! Let's have a Death Match!"

Byakuya was sent to 4th division for 1 year for major burns, extreme cases of frost bite, 6 broken ribs, broken limbs, ruptured organs, and very deep cuts.

Unohana stated "It's a miracle he lived."

After he got out Koji was put in the hospital for millions of major cuts. He told people who asked him what happened "I... Fell into a meat grinder... again."

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**Arf:The Contest Continues! Have Ideas for this send them to me Via messaging or Reviews!**

**[1] Koji did not dare to write anything majorly bad about Unohana  
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	10. My Revenge Contest

**A****rf:Contest announcement!  
**

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Byakuya sat at his desk with a cup of tea in his hand speaking to the readers "Hello. As you have seen, Captain Koji has constantly made a fool out of me. As a result I ask for you're help to give me Ideas for revenge. Just send in your plans and I'll choose a few I like. Here's what I know about Koji:

1. Loves Pranks

2. Goes for daily walks

3. He likes to eat yogurt

4. He also excels in Kido

5. He looks like Sephoroth from Final Fantisy

Good luck" He picks up his cup and as he drinks out of it it explodes. Byakuya just stares.

Koji appers with a thumbs up "9th Trick: The Exploding Cup!"

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**Arf: Contest! You heard him Come up with ideas to put Koji in his place!  
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	11. My Laxatives

**A****rf:Contest announcement!** **Winner is ichigos future wife**

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~Current Byakuya

Byakuya sat on his desk waiting for Hanataro Yamada to come. In order to get back on Koji for continuously humiliating him, he had devised a few plans to get back at him. Hanataro slowly came in his office. Byakuya stares at the scrawny 4th division officer "Do you have it?"

Hanataro nods and pulls out a few pills, "Theses pills I got from the human world are evil. I believe they're called laxatives."

Byakuya smiles "Excellent."

(Later at noon)

Byakuya approached Koji who was sitting down eating his yogurt. He had 5 other unopened pack next to him. Koji looked up and saw Byakuya. "Yo!''

Byakuya stares at him and sits down next to him and sneakily opens one of the yogurt packs, puts in the pills and seals it with a binding spell. Byakuya tells him "You are obsessed with yogurt aren't you."

Koji smiles "Yep!"

Byakuya sighs and leaves smiling a hidden smile as Koji picked up another yogurt.

(1 hour later)

Byakuya walks by a bathroom and hears screaming. He smiles and laughs.

Koji appers behind him "Wow. if your laughing then you must have saw something really funny."

Byakuya's smile disappears and says "Then who's screaming?"

Koji looks at him confused "Ukitaki. Poor guy. Finally gets out of bed after being sick for 2 weeks. I gave him one of my yogurts as a welcome back present then after he eats it he blasts of to the bathroom. I've already called 4th company for help."

Byakuya stares at the Bathroom door in disbelief. He looks over and he sees both of 13th divisions 3rd seats crying for their captain.

Suddenly a yell is heard with a mix of crapping noises.

Byakuya closes his eyes and whispers 'sorry.' Then he turns to Koji and tells him "I'm gonna lie down" and head backs home.

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**Arf: Contest continues! Come up with more ideas to put Koji in his place!**

**The next chapter will show all of Koji's tricks. Expect it by next week hopfuly  
**


	12. KOJI KAZEFUME: The Owner's Guide

**A****rf: Here is a chapter to explain Koji!**

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**KOJI KAZEFUME: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

_Congratulations_! You are now the proud owner of a fully-automated KOJI KAZEFUME unit. To ensure that you get the full use and benefits of your Mischievous Captain, please pay close attention to the following instructions:

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**Basic Information**

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Name: Koji Kazefume (Aka. Captain of 9th Division, The Artist formally known as Koji)

Date of Manufacture: June 2, 1672

Place of Manufacture: Rukon District 89

Race/ Species:Shinigami

Height: 6'2"

Weight: Unit continues to tamper with the scale. Weighing is now impossible.

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**Your KOJI KAZEFUME unit will come with the following accessories:**

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One (1) standard issued Shinigami Uniform

One (1) standard issued Captain Uniform

One (1) standard issued long-sword Zanpakuto

One (1) set of pens and pencils

One (1) set of paper

Five (5) cases of 'Koji's Trick o' Rama'

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Please take note that If the KOJI unit runs out of 'Koji's Trick o' Rama' you can by more at the mere cost of $50.00 each.

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**Programming:**

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The KOJI KAZEFUME unit may not seem all that willing to obey you at first, but with a bit of being pranked and time, he will warm up to you and help you out, just don't anger him. If you have problems getting him to conform to your requests, appeal to him by helping him prank others or giving him writing material.

**Prankster/Con Artist: **Always loving to mess with others, this program is the most active one. His pranks may cause blindness, baldness, explosive diarrhea, and projectile vomiting. We are in no way reliable for any other injurys that are obtained. He also can trick almost everyone in the Soul Society.

**Writer:** The KOJI KAZEFUME unit is an excellent writer. He is able to write such fabulous articles for any occasion. He also has written famous pieces such as 'Nightmare before Soifon' and 'Hush Little Byakuya, Don't You Cry.'

**Fighting Expert: **The KOJI KAZEFUME unit is programmed to be greatly skilled in Kido, Swordplay, and hand to hand combat. He does, however, only use this program in emergencies.

**Master Tactician: **The KOJI KAZEFUME unit is a master when it comes to strategy. He can uses this for fighting by adjusting the area to his advantage, or he could use it for pranking.

**Stalker:** The KOJI KAZEFUME unit uses its great stealth for numerous things. A quick kill on an enemy, escaping a prank or finding out secrets of the a shinigami.

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**Your KOJI KAZEFUME unit has six (6) different settings:**

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Laid-back (Default Setting 1)

Mischievous(Default Setting 2)

Serious and Professional (Lock 1)

Sad (Lock 2)

Hungry

Romantic

Note that Serious and Professional mode is reserved for when he fights or when he's actually working. The Sad mode is usually activated when a prank doesn't go his way. The Hungry mode will activate every few hours. Romantic is activated when and ISANE KOTETSU unit is nearby.

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**Relations with other units:**

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Your KOJI KAZEFUME unit may seem unprofessional at first, but when in times of need he will come through!

**BYAKUYA KUCHIKI:** 2nd most compatible unit with your KOJI KAZEFUME unit. Despite the constant pranks pulled on him, he will act as support and backup. He greatly respects him. WARNING: If a prank pulled on the BYAKUYA KUCHIKI unit goes to far, safety of either units can not be guaranteed.

**ISANE KOTETSU:** This unit is something that the KOJI KAZEFUME unit lusts for. He will hit on her every time he sees her. Warning: One of the KOJI KAZEFUME's pick-up lines may lead to destruction of the KOJI unit.

**MAYURI KUROSUCHI: **This unit is the least compatible for your KOJI KAZEFUME unit. The units will constantly fight. The MAYURI unit is actually the fear of the KOJI unit due to unknown circumstances. The MAYURI unit will often try to experiment on the KOJI unit in it's sleep.

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**Other unit interactions:**

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**YORUICHI SHIHOIN: **This unit is pretty compatible with your KOJI KAZEFUME unit. The KOJI unit often gets new ideas to prank the BYAKUYA unit from it.

**YACHIRU KUSAJISHI: **This unit is another compatible unit with the KOJI KAZEFUME unit. The KOJI KAZEFUME unit will often bribe YACHIRU with candy, to rig the BYAKUYA unit's house with traps.

**GENRYUSAI SHIGEKUNI YAMAMOTO: **Despite being the KOJI unit's higher up, the KOJI unit often back talks and argues with the YAMAMOTO unit's decision. The KOJI unit became captain from Personal Recommendation. The YAMAMOTO unit and the MAYURI unit were the only ones to object.**  
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**Cleaning:**

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The KOJI KAZEFUME unit is capable of cleaning himself, and he prefers it that way unless you a woman. But if you insist on cleaning him yourself, please remember the following: do not machine-wash; towel-dry only, do not tumble dry. Avoid using Dove shampoo.

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**Energy:**

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Your KOJI KAZEFUME unit needs a lot of nourishment in order to function properly. Feed him 6 daily, preferably something healthy, giving him sweets only every 2 meals.

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**Frequently Asked Questions:**

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Q: Hey what's going on? The KOJI unit disappeared for 3 weeks and came back in a full body cast!

A: The KOJI unit probably pulled a extreme prank on a BYAKUYA unit and was sent to the hospital due to thousands of cut wounds, or said a very bad pick-up line with an ISANE unit.

Q: The KOJI unit and the BYAKUYA unit are hanging out! What's the deal with that!?

A: Whoa, calm down there, Bulls-eye. The KOJI unit and the BYAKUYA unit are actually good friends. The KOJI unit is just an extreme prankster. In fact, the person who recommended the KOJI unit to be a captain was the BYAKUYA unit him self.

-

**Troubleshooting:**

**-**

Problem: Your KOJI KAZEFUME unit has been missing for weeks.

Solution: Did you check a hospital? That's usually where he goes if he's missing due to extreme cuts.

Problem: The KOJI unit is saying 'Bulbasaur' or 'Pikachu!'

Solution: You either have the wrong unit and have received a POKEMON unit or the KOJI unit is going through Japanese Puberty

-

With proper care and maintenance, your KOJI unit will lead a long and happy life. Just try to stop him from getting killed.

* * *

**Arf: Contest continues! Come up with more ideas to put Koji in his place!**

**Here's his Zanpakuto:**

**Name: Kaze****taka**** (Wind Hawk)**

**Realese command: Ride the thermals**

**Non-realesed: It's a regular Katana with a butterfly hilt.**

**Realesed: Its a staff with a blade at each end.**

**Ability: Complete manipulation of wind**

**Bankai: unknown  
**


	13. My April Fools

**A****rf: Now here in this chapter we have somewhat of a plot. Heres what will happen in dumbperson terms. Unohana has Byakuya's child, Koji gets demotited, and MAyuri sings the Campfire song song. Unfortunatly this page can not hold the in tesisy of this so click here to get to it:**

http://chodecircus .com/area51/

get rid of space between the s & the .


	14. My Peepshow

**A****rf: Anomonous PMer won.  
**

**

* * *

**

~Shinigami Byakuya~

Byakuya had finally finished his ultimate plan. He was sure Koji would fall to this prank. He attached a voice changer to his phone and dialed 9th Division's number.

_Beep Beep Beep Beep_

Koji picked it up "Yello? This is the 9th Division Headquarters. This is the Captain speaking."

Byakuya smiled and began to talk and sounded like Yamamoto, "YOU FOOL! I SENT FOR YOU THREE HOURS AGO!"

Silence is heard on the other phone. After a minute Koji answers, "Ok ow. Thanks alot old man my ears are bleeding. I must've not gotten your what do you want?"

Byakuya smiled and said "Captain Unohana has your report but asked for you to get it to her because she in busy healing people. Stop by at 7 to get it from her"

Koji mockingly said "Yessir!"

~3 hours later~

Byakuya hid behind a piller waiting. He saw Koji apper and snickered. Right now Unohana just got out of the shower. Koji went up to the door and entered the room. He then walked out with a package. On it, it said 4th Division Package.

Baffled Byakuya ran up to the room and ran in there and saw Isane. Isane looked at him and said "Oh, hello Captain Byakuya. My captain is still in the shower and shes making me keep watch for her. So if you could please go I ca-"

Suddenly Unohana threw open the sliding door and said "Isane can you hand me my towel?" She then glanced over at a wide eyed Byakuya with a nose bleed. Unohana smiled "So captain 6 is trying to sneak a peek?"

Byakuya let out a "No'' but his words were not listened to. He was pumbled and sent to 4th Division.

Koji visited him and came close to his ear and whispered "Nice try, but the Old Man doesn't talk like 'She is busy healing.' I would've gotten your Grandfather to do it"

Byakuya let out a muffled "Fuck..you..."

**~Shinigami Picture Book! Golden~**

_Attention Readers:_

_Due to the constant pushing of Old Man Yama and my Vice-Captain_

_I will now be in charge of the romance column of the Magazine. _

_If you guy want help with a woman tell me._

_ Ill be waiting._

_Editor in-Chief:Koji Kazefume  
_

* * *

**Arf: Hmm Koji is like the Road Runner and Byakuya's like the Coyote.  
**


	15. My Caramelldansen

**Arf:****Completly random. .com/watch?v=ApNDTdWaMek. I used English lyrics so you'll under stand it**

* * *

~Current Byakuya~

Byakuya sighed a breath of relief. All the paper work was done. He could final take a break. Suddenly Music started playing. He walked out and saw every one including his Vice captain making fake bunny ears with thier hands and swinging their hips. He walked over and turned of the music and everyone turned to him.

He looked at Renji and asked "What are all of you doing?"

Renji smiled "Caramelldansen! Everyone is doing it! Try it!"

Byakuya looked at him "I'd rather not."

Renji smiled "Oh I get it. You to chicken to do a simple dance."

Byakuya looked at him "I am not a flightless bird."

Renji frowned "Um thats not what I m-"

Byakuya interrupted him "Oh. I see. Chickens must be the only race unable to do it. You're saying I have an inability to sinply swing my hips? Well you sir are greatly mistaken" He walks over to the radio and plays the song again.

Renji sweat dropped "Um sure. Lets go with that."

Then everyone danced.

_Women are you ready to join us now?_

_Hands in the air, we will show you how._

_Come and try,_

_Caramell will be your guide (be your guide)_

_So come and move your hips sing_

_Oa-ah-ah_

_Look at you two hips do it_

_La-la-la_

_You and me, can sing this melody_

_Owah-owah-ah-oh_

_Dance to the beat,_

_Wave your hands together_

_Come feel the heat, forever and forever._

_Listen and Learn_

_It is time for prancing,_

_Now we are here with Caramel Dancing_

_O-o-owah-owah_

_O-o-owah-owah-ah-oh_

_O-o-owah-owah_

_O-o-owah-owah-ah-oh_

_From Sweden to Uk, we will bring our song._

_Australia, USA, and you people at Hong Kong_

_They have heard,_

_This means all around the world._

_O-o-owah-owah-ah-oh_

_Now come on and move your hips singing_

_Oa-ah-ah_

_Look at you two hips do it_

_La-la-la_

_You and me, can sing this melody_

_So come and_

_Dance to the beat_

_Wave your hands together_

_Come feel the heat, forever and forever._

_Listen and Learn_

_It is time for prancing,_

_Now we are here with Caramel Dancing_

_Dance to the beat_

_Wave your hands together_

_Come feel the heat, forever and forever._

_Listen and Learn_

_It is time for prancing,_

_Now we are here with Caramel Dancing_

_O-o-owah-owah_

_O-o-owah-owah-ah-oh_

_O-o-owah-owah_

_O-o-owah-owah-ah-oh_

_So come and_

_Dance to the beat_

_Wave your hands together_

_Come feel the heat, forever and forever._

_Listen and Learn_

_It is time for prancing,_

_Now we are here with Caramel Dancing_

_Dance to the beat_

_Wave your hands together_

_Come feel the heat, forever and forever._

_Listen and Learn_

_It is time for prancing,_

_Now we are here with Caramel Dancing_

Every one stopped. Renji looked happily at his captain "So how do you feel captain?"

Byakuya looked at him "I feel... like a fool. Im going to lie down. And Renji."

Renji looks up "Y-yes captain."

Byakuya frowns and says "If I find this in the newspaper, you'll be in the hospital with Koji. Understand."

Renji nods "Yes captain."

Byakuya leaves.

**~Shinigami Picture Book! Golden!~**

Koji walked down his hall and saw Captain-Commander Genryūsai Shigekuni Yamamoto. Koji salutes him and says " 'Sup Old Fart."

The Captain-Commander wacked him with a cane and said "Don't bug me. Im on my daily walk."

Koji held up his hands "Ok. Geez. Don't have ta be rude.**(Like you're one to talk.) **Koji looked up "Shuddup Arf"** (Hey! No breaking the 4th wall!) **"Sorry."

Yamamoto walked by and was humming the Caramelldansen.

Koji slowly turned "Wh-what the hell."

_

* * *

_**Every body Caramelldansen!**

**I couldnt resist anymore. XP_  
_**


	16. My Review Special

**Arf:Whoo Hoo!! Over 50 reviews! Now its time for me to Review the reviewers. I'll look over some of the reviews I've acumalated and state my opinions. Lets start with the first one I ever got!**

_Interesting...that was a disastrous attempt at Konso. Looking forward to what you come up with next._

_~Bleachfan78_

**Arf: Sure do hope I didnt disappoint ya! You're my very first reviewer! NEXT!**

**This was a suggestion from the first contest I've had:**

_xD_

_How about the day Byakuya became a man? xD_

_charliechick_

**Arf: First off, I loved the idea. I do plan on using it in the future. Next.**

**This one conserns my first chapter.**

_Really funny. Don't take offense, but your dialogue is a little confusing-it would be nice if you actually said who says what._

_~Nobody0523_

**Arf: None taken. I was just tring out a new type of writing. Next.**

**Here's another one from Bleachfan**

Check the hospital...that was great. Interesting chapter, where do I sign up to buy my very own Byakuya unit?

**Arf: Here :p X__________________**

**Next is from someone who i dislike in the first sentance.**

_Remove Koji, please._  
_Kyoraku is much much much cooler._

_~Lord Mist_

**Arf: First off, Im not removing Koji because a single person doesn't like him. 2nd Kyoraku is still there. I just have yet to use him in a story. Finally Piss off.**

**Ok Next. This one looks good.**

wow. ur a boy? i never knew that...

~ i-is-animefreak

**Arf:... one question the hell gave you the idea im a girl? Hm? I am a boy!**

**Ok that all! I May have another soon!**


	17. My Haitus

**Arf:Sorry but im putting this story in my haitus section. But do not fret. A new story will arise from this Darkness! **

**Coming very soon,**

**Arf presents:**

**BLEACH: DDR ADVENTURES! **

**So I leave you with this: **http://chodecircus.

com/area51/


	18. My Pitfall

**Arf: Sorry for all long updates but I just got hit by a car and I aint feelin' to jolly. So to keep ya'll entertained, here's this. Also this idea goes to ****TallerThanThou ShorterThanThou. Thank you.**  
**

* * *

**

Byakuya and Renji were digging a 500 ft deep hole(With Renji doing most of the work). Renji looked over at Byakuya "Captain can you tell me please why we're doing this."

Byakuya looked at him "I'm glad you've asked"

Renji threw a rock at him "I've asked 30 times before! You just ignored me"

Byakuya rubbed his head were he got hit. "Well you know how Koji has continuously embarrassed me correct?"

Renji nods. "Yes Captain"

Byakuya tells him "We are going to hit him with the most simplest trick, he won't even expect it! Were making a pitfall!"

Renji stares "A pitfall...?"

Byakuya nods "Yes a pitfall. He walks this path to get to the cafeteria faster. Today is yogurt day so he's sure to come" He looks into the hole "This is deep enough. Lets cover it up"

Renji sighs and covers it up with leaves and dirt. He looks at his captain "I don't think it's going to work"

Byakuya silences him and they run into a nearby bush. 30 minutes later Koji walks by. He walks straight over the pitfall. After he leaves a confused Byakuya walks over and jumps on the pitfall and falls straight though it.

Renji's head is seen at the top. He yells to his captain "Captain Kazefume is light on his feet!"

Byakuya slams his head on the rocky wall.

**_~Shinigami Picture Book! Golden!~_**

Byakuya walks into his room. Something quickly catches his eye. A trip wire is in his path. He chuckles abit to him self "Koji. You are getting sloppy."

He steps over in and lies in his bed. When he does he hears creaking. He looks around and suddenly his bed burst underground. Koji then walks up to the edge of the pitfall and laughs "Ha! The wire was a distraction! Haw haw haw!"

Byakuya holds up his blade and releases it.

Koji is hospitalized for 2 months.

* * *

**Hope ya'll enjoyed it Review!**


	19. My Best Friend

**Arf: I've decided to take questions next chapter. So along with your review and a question for me and I'll answer it. This story takes place when he first met Koji. He was younger then.**

**

* * *

**

Byakuya's grand father noticed Byakuya had no friends and if he did he didn't play with them. So he set up a play date with the Kazefume family.

Byakuya looked at him when he arrived. He was a hyper active kid who ran around touching things that did not belong to him. He was Koji of the Kazefume family. Byakuya looked at him. "So... do you like Kendo?" He both nodded so they went out back and started beating each other with wooden swords.

Byakuya picked up his sword, when Koji Charged at him and slammed his face with the Wooden blade. Angered, Byakuya stood up and charged at Koji. Koji matching his shot smiled and said "Must not be the first time you've taken wood to the face![1]"

They fought until they couldn't hold their swords. When Byakuyas Grandfather came to take Koji home he saw they were covered in bruises laughing.

Byakuya laughed he told Koji "You're good!"

Koji nodded "I know. You aren't half bad yourself." He gave him a high five and then he went home.

Byakuya's Grandfather smiled "So did you have fun?"

Byakuya nodded. He smiled and looked at the setting sun "I think me and him will get along great!"

* * *

**Arf: Sorry for the shortness. This story seemed more like a friend ship then a funny to me. I originally wanted to put Kaien in here but I thought it may leave a bad aftertaste.**

**[1] Not only is it from Yu-Yu-Hakusho abridged, but I heard a 5 year old say this when I tripped and face planted into a tree.**


	20. KOJI KAZEFUME: The Owner' Guide Revised

**A****rf: I've revised it to tell more about him.**

* * *

**KOJI KAZEFUME: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

_Congratulations_! You are now the proud owner of a fully-automated KOJI KAZEFUME unit. To ensure that you get the full use and benefits of your Mischievous Captain, please pay close attention to the following instructions:

**Basic Information**

Name: Koji Kazefume (Aka. Captain of 9th Division, The Artist formally known as Koji)

Date of Manufacture: June 2, 1672

Place of Manufacture: Rukon District 89

Race/ Species:Shinigami

Height: 6'2"

Weight: Unit continues to tamper with the scale. Weighing is now impossible.

**Your KOJI KAZEFUME unit will come with the following accessories:**

One (1) standard issued Shinigami Uniform

One (1) standard issued Captain Uniform

One (1) standard issued long-sword Zanpakuto

One (1) set of pens and pencils

One (1) set of paper

Five (5) cases of 'Koji's Trick o' Rama'

One (1) Printer

Two (2) DDR machines

Please take note that If the KOJI unit runs out of 'Koji's Trick o' Rama' you can by more at the mere cost of $50.00 each.

**Programming:**

The KOJI KAZEFUME unit may not seem all that willing to obey you at first, but with a bit of being pranked and time, he will warm up to you and help you out, just don't anger him. If you have problems getting him to conform to your requests, appeal to him by helping him prank others or giving him writing material.

**Prankster/Con Artist: **Always loving to mess with others, this program is the most active one. His pranks may cause blindness, baldness, explosive diarrhea, and projectile vomiting. We are in no way reliable for any other injurys that are obtained. He also can trick almost everyone in the Soul Society.

**Writer:**The KOJI KAZEFUME unit is an excellent writer. He is able to write such fabulous articles for any occasion. He also has written famous pieces such as 'Nightmare before Soifon' and 'Hush Little Byakuya, Don't You Cry.'

**Fighting Expert: **The KOJI KAZEFUME unit is programmed to be greatly skilled in Kido, Swordplay, and hand to hand combat. He does, however, only use this program in emergencies.

**Master Tactician: **The KOJI KAZEFUME unit is a master when it comes to strategy. He can uses this for fighting by adjusting the area to his advantage, or he could use it for pranking.

**Stalker:**The KOJI KAZEFUME unit uses its great stealth for numerous things. A quick kill on an enemy, escaping a prank or finding out secrets of the a shinigami.

**Your KOJI KAZEFUME unit has six (6) different settings:**

Laid-back (Default Setting 1)

Mischievous(Default Setting 2)

Serious and Professional (Lock 1)

Sad (Lock 2)

Bankai (Lock 3)

Hungry

Romantic

Note that Serious and Professional mode is reserved for when he fights or when he's actually working. The Sad mode is usually activated when a prank doesn't go his way. The Hungry mode will activate every few hours. Romantic is activated when and ISANE KOTETSU unit is nearby. Bankai is only activated during dance competitions. The unit is also very light on his feet.

**Relations with other units:**

Your KOJI KAZEFUME unit may seem unprofessional at first, but when in times of need he will come through!

**BYAKUYA KUCHIKI:**The most compatible unit with your KOJI KAZEFUME unit. Despite the constant pranks pulled on him, he will act as support and backup. He greatly respects him. WARNING: If a prank pulled on the BYAKUYA KUCHIKI unit goes to far, safety of either units can not be guaranteed.

**ISANE KOTETSU:**This unit is something that the KOJI KAZEFUME unit lusts for. He will hit on her every time he sees her. Warning: One of the KOJI KAZEFUME's pick-up lines may lead to destruction of the KOJI unit.

**MAYURI KUROSUCHI: **This unit is the least compatible for your KOJI KAZEFUME unit. The units will constantly fight. The MAYURI unit is actually the fear of the KOJI unit due to unknown circumstances. The MAYURI unit will often try to experiment on the KOJI unit in it's sleep.

**ZARAKI KENPATCHI:** The two units get along well. The KOJI unit often supplys him with fights. The two are also drinking buddys with the KYORAKU unit

**Other unit interactions:**

**YORUICHI SHIHOIN: **This unit is pretty compatible with your KOJI KAZEFUME unit. The KOJI unit often gets new ideas to prank the BYAKUYA unit from it.

**YACHIRU KUSAJISHI: **This unit is another compatible unit with the KOJI KAZEFUME unit. The KOJI KAZEFUME unit will often bribe YACHIRU with candy, to rig the BYAKUYA unit's house with traps.

**GENRYUSAI SHIGEKUNI YAMAMOTO: **Despite being the KOJI unit's higher up, the KOJI unit often back talks and argues with the YAMAMOTO unit's decision. The KOJI unit became captain from Personal Recommendation. The YAMAMOTO unit and the MAYURI unit were the only ones to object.

**JOSHIRO UKITAKE:**The two units get along quite well. The KOJI unit often spends the same amount of time in the hospital for injurys rather then sickness.

Warning: The JOSHIRO UKITAKI unit's safety cannot be guarantied. he may fall victim to a counter prank from the BYAKUYA unit.

**Cleaning:**

The KOJI KAZEFUME unit is capable of cleaning himself, and he prefers it that way unless you a woman. But if you insist on cleaning him yourself, please remember the following: do not machine-wash; towel-dry only, do not tumble dry. Avoid using Dove shampoo. Use Lo'real for certain reasons.

**Energy:**

Your KOJI KAZEFUME unit needs a lot of nourishment in order to function properly. Feed him 6 daily, preferably something healthy, giving him sweets only every 2 meals. Keep him away from onions due to allergys.

**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: Hey what's going on? The KOJI unit disappeared for 3 weeks and came back in a full body cast!

A: The KOJI unit probably pulled a extreme prank on a BYAKUYA unit and was sent to the hospital due to thousands of cut wounds, or said a very bad pick-up line with an ISANE unit.

Q: The KOJI unit and the BYAKUYA unit are hanging out! What's the deal with that!

A: Whoa, calm down there, Bulls-eye. The KOJI unit and the BYAKUYA unit are actually good friends. The KOJI unit is just an extreme prankster. In fact, the person who recommended the KOJI unit to be a captain was the BYAKUYA unit him self.

Q: The Koji unit's blade is huge and his hair is orange. What the hecks going on!

A: Sorry you must have gotten an ICHIGO KUROSAKI Unit by accident. You can send him back for a KOJI unit or keep the one you got.

**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: Your KOJI KAZEFUME unit has been missing for weeks.

Solution: Did you check a hospital? That's usually where he goes if he's missing due to extreme cuts.

Problem: The KOJI unit is saying 'Bulbasaur' or 'Pikachu!'

Solution: You either have the wrong unit and have received a POKEMON unit or the KOJI unit is going through Japanese Puberty.

Problem: You ran out pranking materials.

Solution: You can order another pranking kit for $50.00

With proper care and maintenance, your KOJI unit will lead a long and happy life. Just try to stop him from getting killed from ISANE, BYAKUYA and MAYURI units.

* * *

**Arf: Contest continues! Come up with more ideas to put Koji in his place!**

**Here's his Zanpakuto:**

**Name: Kaze****taka**** (Wind Hawk)**

**Realese command: Ride the thermals**

**Non-realesed: It's a regular Katana with a butterfly hilt.**

**Realesed: Its a staff with a blade at each end.**

**Ability: Complete manipulation of wind**

**Bankai: Fanku Kazetaka(Funky Wind Hawk)**

**Bankai Ability:Allows him to have faster reaction times. Perfect for DDR.**


	21. My Prayer

****

**Arf: Lets see what Byakuya prays about. This is in no way intended to offend other religions.  
**

* * *

_Dear Lord,_

_Please protect me my grandfather and Rukia,_

_Watch over my lieutenant and my friends._

_Allow me to finally prank back Koji._

_Get Koji to fail in one of his pranks._

_Don't let my lieutenant get the best of me._

_Watch over Hisana's soul._

_Keep the Kuchiki Family successful._

_Please give me better judgment over the law._

_And God bless the Ambassador Seaweed._

_Amen._

* * *

**Arf: Ta-daa!**


	22. My Most Favorite Thing!

****

**Arf: This is about the kid Byakuya  
**

* * *

Byakuya was walking out off his estate when he saw something in the corner of his eye. he looked over and saw a shadow run into a nearby alley. He was a curious child so he ran after ot. when he got into the alley he saw someone sitting on a dumpster. Byakuya's eyes widened as he saw what the shadow was. It had a very bumpy body. Its arms and legs were long, smooth, and thin. It had two huge glimmering eyes and it also had a towel around its head.

Now a normal person would run at the sit of this thinking it's a monster, but to Byakuya it was art. He bowed to the creature and asked "Please tell me your name!"

There was a long silence until it finally spoke. "You may call me the Seaweed Ambassador. Live long and happy child." It hops off the dumpster and leaves the alley way.

Sense then Byakuya has drawn sculpted and even advertised the Seaweed Ambassadors image. When he became a shinigami Byakuya started to bake Seaweed Ambassador Cookies and Chocolate (Neither of which sold well) and when he became a captain he entered an art show with a life sized Seaweed Ambassador Statue. He managed to get 2nd place(To his astonishment. He thought he would get first [The only reason it got 2nd place is because of his status.]) Because the statue was too big for the estate Byakuya turned it into a fountain and donated it to the 6th company hot springs, which unwillingly accepted. The statue now sits in the middle of the spring make people feel uncomfortable.

Byakuya still draws the Seaweed Ambassador today, in hopes they will meet again.

* * *

**Arf: Yay! I've just doodled this in Web design class and am just now publishing it.  
**


	23. My Wife

****

**Arf: This may not be a funny one. Probably a more serious one.**

* * *

Byakuya saw Hisana walking outside the estate. He runs to her "Hisana!"

She looks over and weakly waves before her legs give out and she falls. Byakuya quickly shunpo's and catches her. He carrys her into the estate and lies her in bed.

He brushes hair out of her face, "Hisana... you mustn't push your self like this. Just let me look for you."

Hisana smiles "Oh, Byakuya. I can't trouble you. I abandoned my own sister in the Rukon so it is my job to find her."

He grasps her hand "Well then please stop looking for now. Rest until you get better to find her."

Hisana smiles gently "I'll try..."

3 months later...

Hisana lies in bed soon to cross over to death. Byakuya sits next to her crying. She grabs his hand "Byakuya... I'm so sorry" She begins to cough.

Byakuya squeezes her hand and yells"No! Save your breath Hisana! Please!"

Hisana simply smiles "I had abandoned my only sister in the Rukon in order to survive. This is my punishment."

Byakuya continues to yell "Don't say that!"

Hisana raises her hand to silence him, "I have a final request Byakuya. Find my sister. Give her the love I couldn't."

"H-hisana"

She smiles and puts her hand on his face "Byakuya, please find my sister. Then after you find her, please do not tell her that I am her sister. Without telling her anything, please Byakuya, please protect my sister no matter what. I abandoned her, so I don't deserve to be her sister, so I hope that she can be Byakuya sister."

"Hisana!" Byakuya yells.

"Even at the end, I am still asking more of you. I am very sorry I couldn't return Byakuya's love. I am sorry. Being with Byakuya for the past five years was like a dream come true for me, Byakuya." Her hand then turns cold and limp.

Byakuya trys to talk to her "Hisana. Hisana! HISANA!"

Many years later...

Byakuya wanders though the halls of the Soul Reaper Academy. Today, he was visiting a class. Out of the corner of his eyes he sees Rukia. He quickly turns his head "H-hisana!" Rukia looks over at him, not knowing who he is "No. My name is Rukia. Who's Hisana." Byakuya turns away and walks back to the Kuchiki Estate. He had found her. Hisana's memento. Rukia.

* * *

**Arf: Despite how some storys make him look, Byakuya is an awesome character.**


	24. My Review Special 2

************

**Arf: Yay! Time for a review special! Dont know why just stalling till I get an idea! First review that caught my eye is one that I got during the Pitfall chapter.**

_******~LilyGirl101**_

_X-D That didn't go as planned...either time! Poor Byakuya...he can't seem to win for the life of him!_

Arf: Yep. And I don't think I'll make him win any time soon. Actually, who knows? I might throw him a bone. Next is another one from LilyGirl and heres her review.

_******~LilyGirl101**_

_That's an adorable way to start a friendship! *sniffle*_

_OK, a question...are you aware of the location of my secret base of ninja bunnies? *glare*_

**Arf: Yeah, it is. Hmm is that the one where I keep getting shot at from? Next is one from a long time reader concerning my Revised KOJI Guide.**

****

_~ bleachfan78_

**_I liked the updates to how he interacts with the others. Good update._**

**Arf:If your happy, I'm happy. Next is one from a guy about My Prayer.**

_**~ bluwings  
Nice, lol. So that's what Byakuya prays for, but somehow I don't think all of his prayer will be answered.**_

**Arf: (sarcastically)****What on Earth makes you say that? Next is from bleachfan concerning the Seaweed Ambassador.**

_**~bleachfan78**_

****

_The Seaweed Ambassador is awesome. Hopefully, Byakuya will be able to meet him again one day._

**Arf: I'll let you on a little secret. (*Spoiler in my story*)I plan on making him return in the Bleach DDR as a contestant. Next from Mungetsu.**

**_Geez, Arf, If you like Byakuya so much, why don't you just marry him? XD jk... _**

**_You need to work on your grammar. ...Look, it's not so bad that it actually matters, but it's traditional for stories to be in past-tense._**

**_Byakuya must've been scarred. If it didn't involve someone's death, I'd be laughing at his misery. To make Hisana's _**

**_death more impactful, you could add more elipses in her words (Those are the dot-dot-dots). Keep it up._**

**_~Mungetsu_**

**Arf: Mainly because I AINT GAY!**

**I feel it may be more impactful in present tense. That and i got a 4/10 in English class.**

**I may edit to make it more impactful. Thanks for the reviews.**

**This last one goes to a lil bunghole who at least was nice enough to PM me the review instead of waisting space.**

**_~TheRealGoodyTwoShoes _  
_Entries not allowed:_**

_1. Non-stories: lists, bloopers, polls, previews, challenges, author notes, and etc._

_2. One or two liners._

_3. MST: comments inserted in between the flow of a copied story._

_4. Stories with non-historical and non-fictional characters: actors, musicians, and etc._

_5. Any form of interactive entry: choose your adventure, second person/you based, Q&As, and etc._

_6. Chat/script format and keyboard dialogue based entries._

_Your story is not allowed under section 6 of the guidelines._

_Try re-writing your story like a traditional story and not like a movie script._

**Arf:Please take notice that only afew of my storys break that rule, and other then you I've had no complaints. You want me to adjust those that break the rules, get a site admin who I can actually take seriously. Well that's all I have for now see you next time.**


	25. My Announcement

**ARF: Announcements! I have decided to continue the story but I also plan on ending it! I will do 3 more stories before a three part Finale! I hope you will join me in the final ride! Thank you Faithful readers! In the up coming story Byakuya attempts Courtship with the women of the Soul Society!  
**


	26. My Blind Dates

**LOVELESS: WE ARE BACK SOONER THEN WE THOUGHT! HELL'S YEAH!**

**Arf: Lets do this!**

**LOVELESS: YEAH!**

* * *

Byakuya stared at Koji dumbly. The Captain of 9th Division, his childhood friend, Koji Kazefumi, had come into his office and told him he set him up on a number of blind dates. "Please tell me this is one of you're pranks..." Byakuya asked in a slightly pleading voice.

"Nope." Koji said simply. "It's all been arranged already."Byakuya began to draw his blade. "W-wait Bya-Bya!" Koji shouted out waving his arms. Byakuya sheathed his blade to listen to what he had to say. "Listen man, you and I are friends, and I would never hurt you as such."

"What about last week." Byakuya spat. He shuddered remembering... the slime.

"Never hurt emotionally." Koji corrected himself. "Look I mean this in no disrespect to Lady Hisana but you need to move on. This is probably what she'd want." Koji touched Byakuya's shoulder. "I'm serious man. If you still want to call it off, then I will."

Byakuya sighed. 'Trust Koji to bring up Hisana... Though I guess he is right.' Byakuya thought to himself. He looked up at Koji "Very well."

Koji smiled. "Alright man! Byakuya, back in the game! I swear you won't regret this," Koji said as he neared the door to leave, "much" Koji ran out the door.

Byakuya processed what Koji had just said. "...Wait...what?"

(Later)

Byakuya was dressed in his nice Shihakusho and had combed his hair to the peak of perfection. Koji walked into his mansion and called out, "You ready Byakuya?"

Byakuya walked downstairs and told him, "Let's just go."

Koji sighed and replied, "Fine. I'll take you to your first date."

Byakuya was lead to a restaurant and saw a very familiar captain sitting at the table Koji lead him too. Byakuya sighed. He should have expected this from him. Byakuya sat down and greeted his date as Koji quickly ran into the kitchen, "Hello Soi Fon."

Soi Fon looked up slightly surprised and let out a tsk, "I should've know. Koji seems to have a strange fascination of pairing us together like... What are those kind of people called?"

"Otaku?" Byakuya replied.

"Meh, close enough," Soi Fon said.

"So. How did he get you to come here?" Byakuya asked, wondering how he managed to convince her.

"He had an interesting slogan."

"A slogan?"

"Come for the Love, Stay for the Beer."

Byakuya just stared.

(5 minutes later)

The two quickly ran out of things to talk about and the conversation came to a sudden halt. Soi Fon twirled her fork around while Byakuya ate in silence.

"Oh this is the night, it's a beautiful night, And we call it bella notte" a familiar voice sang out. Kyoraku, the 8th Division Captain came out of the kitchen with a large fake mustache and a accordion came out and began to sing and dance around the table.

"... Kyoraku. What are you doing," Byakuya asked.

"Setting the mood for you two." Kyoraku replied with a reply.

Byakuya sighed as he stood up and payed for the meal "Thank you for your time, Soi Fon."

Soi Fon nodded "Thanks" she got up and left for her barracks, quickly.

Byakuya turned around at Kyoraku who was still dancing and singing. "Kyoraku, go home."

Kyoraku sighed, "Fine."

As Kyoraku left, Koji put his arm around Byakuya and said slightly sad, "Aw well. Tough luck." He patted his back, "Come on. It's time for the next date."

Byakuya sighed as he followed him.

(Later, several moments into the next date.)

"Are you okay Captain Byakuya?" Rangiku asked as she ate some Dango. "You haven't eaten much. Do I not look good?"

"No it's not that..." Byakuya said as he glanced around, "I just feel like to people are glaring at me." Byakuya thought he saw some familiar faces from the table behind him but couldn't see well enough to be sure.

"It's probably you're imagination." Rangiku said as she finished off another stick. She then got a devilish smile "Hey I got an idea."

"Hm?" Byakuya responded.

"How about a drinking game. The winner gets to do whatever they want to the loser." Rangiku said with a devious smile. Before Byakuya had time to reply the two familiar shinigami turned around.

"Oh Byakuya! Rangiku what are you doing here" Hisagi chirped.

"We just happened to be here! No coincidence at all" Iba said with a smile.

"Oh hey guys, fancy meeting you here," Rangiku replied to them. "Want to join the game?"

"Sure!" They both replied.

Byakuya stood up and told them, "Sorry but I think I should be going." Byakuya quickly ran out before getting dragged into a drinking game.

(Later)

Byakuya fell on his couch exhausted. He had gone through 3 more horrendous dates: A horrific date with Nemu, a date with Unohana where he almost became her bitch, and a very weird date with Momo. Just as Byakuya closed his eyes to get some rest, a note flew in through the window and landed on the floor near him. Byakuya sat up and picked up the note.

It read:

_Dear Bya-Bya,_

_Be sure to spiff up for tomorrow, because I have more dates set up for you._

_Your Bestest Friend,_

_Koji Kazefume~_

Byakuya sat down the note on the coffee table, took in a deep breath, picked up a pillow, held it to his face, and screamed.

* * *

**LOVELESS: GOD! YES!**

**Arf: LOVELESS... turn off caps.**

**LOVELESS: I WILL ONLY IF THE VIEWERS REVIEW!**


	27. Bleach: The False Movie Preview

**_BA-DUM!_**

"You slut!" Orihime yelled as she slapped Rukia.

"O-orihime?" Rukia stared in disbelief.

**BA-DUM!**

"Ichigo..." Chad gripped Ichigo tightly by the shoulder and stared at him. "Something is wrong with Orihime.

**BA-DUM!**

"Nii-sama~" Rukia said seductivly to Byakuya as she climbed up on his lap.

"R-rukia? Wh-ehat are you-" Byakuya started before he was silenced by her finger.

"Just leave the thinking to me~" She whispered.

**BA-DUM!**

"So Mayuri... Just what is going on!" Komamura barked at a terrified looking Mayuri.

"Th-they've invaded..." Mayuri stuttered.

"Who, Mayuri? WHO?" Komamura yelled shaking him.

"The... Rabid Fans!" Mayuri replied.

_**BA-DUM!**_

Urahara stepped out of his shop and looked around to see himself surrounded by cosplayers. "Heh~" He whistled. "I never would've guessed so many would come after me. I'm honored to be so popular. Now then..." Urahara drew his sword. "Scream... Benihime!"

_**BA-DUM!**_

Renji grabbed Ichigo by his shoulder.

"R-renji?" He questioned.

"Ichigo..." Renji said with a deep blush. He then drew him into a hug. "I've been waiting for you for along time!" He pulled his face closer to Ichigo's

_**BA-DUM!**_

"Return my friends to the way they were!" Ichigo yelled at the the hooded people.

"Fuhuhuhuhu~ Come make me!" The leader mocked.

**_BA-DUM!_**

"Getsuga... TENSHO!"

**_BA-DUM!_**

"WHY WON'T YOU DIE?" Ichigo yelled out at them.

**_BA-DUM!_**

"Give in Ichigo..." The leader said gripping him by the throat. "All of your base, are belong to us!"

_**BOOM!**_

**_BLEACH: THE FALSE MOVIE_**

**_MEMORIES OF SOMEBODY'S F***ED UP MIND_**

**_COMING SOON!_**

* * *

**I meant to have this out by April's Fools Day but due to a shitty computer problem, I had to postpone it till today.**

**Anyways! I will be taking some of the better one-shots off of this story and reviseing them to turn them into more individual one-shots.**

**As for the false movie, it's up to you guys whether or not you want to see a full version, or if you just want to let this lie as an April Fools joke.**

**Be sure to check out my review for found here(remove the spaces): http:/ . net/forum/LOVELESS_REVIEW_FORUM /97660/**

**As always review.**


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